Life has a unique way of giving us challenges. When our circumstances become overwhelming or heavy, it is natural to lament or become angry. We were made to have emotions. Yet, as followers of God, there is a delicate line we learn to walk - lamenting our circumstances while also trusting in God.
It can feel wrong to be sad when there are verses that encourage us to rejoice always. Romans 5 suggests that we should be glad when we're criticized for our faith or suffering for Jesus. As a young Christian, I took this out of context, believing that I wasn't supposed to be sad or angry when life gave me lemons. Now, I understand that this doesn't apply to situations like being in a car crash or being betrayed by a close friend. This realization inspired my poem, which reads as follows:
With joy, you should speak.
With joy, you should think.
With thankfulness, you should suffer.
With thankfulness, you should endure.
Rejoice when it’s good,
Rejoice when it’s painful,
Even when it’s deeply painful.
The Paradox of Lament
In some faith practices, the act of lamenting may seem contradictory to trusting in a loving and sovereign God. We are told not to be anxious or worry about what’s to come tomorrow, because God always provides. However, when we look into the Bible, we see that lament is not only accepted but encouraged. The Psalms are a poignant example of raw lament before God. Similarly, the book of Lamentations is full of laments we can use as examples in our own practice of lamenting.
In The Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross, he understood that transformation comes from someone allowing themselves to lament (or lamenting without wanting to), where the hearts deepest groanings meet the Divine. It can often be the most intimate we become with God—like wrestlers in a match as opposed to friends walking along a river path.
Trusting in God amid lament is not about instant answers or easy solutions. It is a surrender to the unseen hand that weaves the tapestry of our lives with threads of sorrow and joy. It is an understanding that we are a breath in a lifetime of breathing.
How to Lament
Reading through Psalms, Job, Lamentations and Ecclesiastes shows four themes on how to lament well as a Christian.
Be Honest - Let it all out. Some of our brothers we read about in the Bible who were lamenting were so sorrowful they asked to die. Job cursed the day he was born because he was so distraught about all God allowed to be taken away from him. In chapter 7 he says, “Therefore, I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my heart; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.”
Remember God’s character - It’s easy to assume certain things about God because of what we see happen in the Church or what circumstances are handed to us. We see Job in anguish, but then he continues in chapter 9 to say, “But how can a man be in the right before God? If one wished to contend with him, one could not answer him once in a thousand times. He is wise in heart and mighty in strength - who has hardened himself against him, and succeeded?” He speaks freely, but chooses to remember who He knows God to be.
Share with others - Lamenting is not something we have to go through on our own. Throughout the Bible, we see instances of sharing moments of mourning or lament with others, where the people of God come together to mourn, cry out, and seek God in their pain. As Christians, we are called to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). Sharing our pain with trusted believers not only provides comfort but also strengthens our community as we experience suffering together.
Seek restoration - Lament is not the end of the story and not what we should always dwell in. God desires to bring us to a place of restoration and healing. In Ecclesiastes, it acknowledges the metaphorical lemons life can bring, but also points us to hope, saying, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart" (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Lamentations also points to this, in 3:22-23, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness". As we lament, we do so with the hope that God will renew, restore, and redeem our circumstances, drawing us closer to Him and bringing beauty from dirt, because that’s what it is.
The Sweetness of Faith
In the end, lamenting well is not about erasing the pain but walking through it and transforming it through faith, allowing yourself to express your thoughts and feelings. When I allowed myself to speak freely to others and to God about my uncertainties regarding God or the Church, my heart began to feel lighter. When I questioned why God didn’t heal my friend who passed from cancer, I let myself feel angry. When I asked God why He allowed my brothers and friends to be bullied out of the Church with no answer, I let myself lament. But, I always kept in mind the character of God, which I hoped to convey through poems in The Sun Became Shy.
Embrace your lemons, knowing that beyond the sourness lie the seeds that can grow into a tree. Lament, trust, and watch as the divine gardener turns your grove of sorrow into a garden of grace.
I’m happy to walk in paradox with you and hope we can all learn to do the same with each other. There’s a time to rejoice and a time to cry. So, please do.
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