Deconstruction is, at its core, a loss of faith. It's a crisis often triggered by a traumatic event—ranging from a simple conversation in church to the death of a loved one. As we engage more with life and notice the dissonance between our beliefs and experiences, we become more likely to question the status quo. This process of questioning is what we call deconstruction.
Christianity is a communal religion, centered on relationships—with God, oneself, nature, and others. These once-perfect connections were fractured when sin introduced imperfection into the world. As a Christian, you've likely developed deep friendships with other believers. Now, as someone going through deconstruction, it's natural to receive questions, concerned looks, and comments from those you've been seeing regularly.
I remember one conversation I had with a friend where I was explaining how I wasn't sure God was real. They had grown up in the church too. Their response was kind: "I think that too." It was both comforting and unsettling at the same time. I was hoping to find someone who could explain to me, without a doubt, why God was real. Maybe they could show me a burning bush in my backyard or some other prophetic sign that would chase away my questions. I didn't find that—but I'll make sure to tell you if I ever do.
I had another conversation with someone I'd been attending church with. I confided in them that church was difficult for me and I was struggling to believe in God's existence. Their response was simply, "You just need to have faith." This was the worst thing I could hear at that time. "Just have faith" felt like a gut punch because I was already trying so hard.
It's normal for friends and family to be concerned for you during this time. Also, if you aren't going through this but know someone who is, it's okay to trust them.
Why You Should Trust Them
Authenticity and honesty. They're willing to engage with their beliefs honestly. This process of self-reflection and critical thinking is valuable. A Christian who understands their faith will be better prepared than one who can't explain their "why." By sharing their thoughts with you, they're demonstrating trust and a desire for meaningful conversation.
They're Growing. Doubt and difficulty will often lead us to be more mature (James 1:2-4). This time may involve stepping away from familiar practices and church temporarily, but it’s a process.
It's crucial to remember that while Scripture forms the foundation of our faith, responding to someone's doubts with a barrage of verses or theological arguments isn't always helpful. Just as Jesus patiently walked with His disciples, even when they struggled to understand (John 14:9), we're called to accompany others with grace and love.
If you know someone in deconstruction, the best thing you can offer is your presence: listening without judgment and showing kindness. Love is the most powerful witness we can offer (John 13:35). Trust that God will guide them through their questions in His time, and be the friend who embodies Christ's love along the way.
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